Let’s be honest for a moment. We have all overcome things, are struggling to overcome things or are trying to figure out if we have enough strength to overcome things. It’s part of the human condition. Sometimes it just seems so much easier to let our struggles pull us under.
If I’m being totally transparent with you, I will say I’ve been in the pull-me-under-and-let-me-drown mode far too often. I never talk about this because people think I’m either comparing my struggles to someone else’s, change the subject or don’t care anyway. But I have a selfie on my phone that God put on my heart and wanted me to put this out there. I in no way seek pity or sympathy. But I believe there are others out there who suffer in silence, thinking they have no other choice. I’m here to tell you differently!
23 years ago, I was diagnosed with clinical depression and put into the category of “major depressive disorder”. 15 years ago, I had the added diagnosis of an anxiety/panic disorder. I’ve been on and off medication as we’ve had doctors move, didn’t have insurance, and now can’t afford the copay for the yearly checkup. Most of the time, I just pretend like I’m fine. Eventually my brain starts to believe it and I’m ok for a period of time.
About 6 years ago, Mandisa had a song called “Overcomer” that really showed me I could overcome any obstacle if I just held on. The chorus says:
“You're an overcomer
Stay in the fight 'til the final round
You're not going under
'Cause God is holding you right now
You might be down for a moment
Feeling like it's hopeless
That's when he reminds you
That you're an overcomer
You're an overcomer”
I’ve spent lots of time hiding in the background over the years. I would shy away from pictures because I knew my smile was pretty fake. But I’ve fought hard. Oh boy, have I ever fought hard! Last week, we went to see the sunset at the beach, which has become my refuge. I call it “my happy place” because I truly feel like I can be me and I can just feel carefree. (Much of the time I don’t have a phone signal, or at least so a strong enough one to do much.
While Drew sat on the sidewalk at the edge of the beach, I ran through the sand to stick my toes in the frigid waters of Lake Michigan. On the way back up, I took a selfie. That selfie popped up on my watch a couple days ago. When I saw it, God said, “Do you see that face? That’s the face of joy...the face of an overcomer!” You know what? He’s right! I have overcome so much! I still have a long road to go. But I know I have two choices. 1. I can let depression control who I am, how I act, and how I respond to people. Or 2. I can control depression and choose to not allow it to master me. I can choose to say, “Satan, you’re NOT going to zap my joy!”
I choose #2! Reach out to me if you need someone who understands and will care!
