God Broke Me

   I usually try to read a book before I see the movie. But I did it backwards this time...by quite awhile. I saw the movie War Room soon after it came out. I didn't realize it was a book until a few weeks ago. I checked it out (through a cool app called Hoopla where I can get eBooks from my local library) and read it - rather quickly, I might add). While reading the book, God struck me with something - my prayer life stinks!! 

   Now, don't get me wrong. I pray daily. I pray throughout the day. However, my prayer life has become very complacent. I find myself praying the same way over and over...and my prayers are rather vague. I pray for lots of people, groups of people, etc. But I never mention anything specific in my prayers. But as a parent, I know I would always rather have my kids say, "Mom, I'd like a gift certificate to the movies for Christmas" than "Mom, I'd like a gift for Christmas." Specific requests are so much better. 

   As our Heavenly Father, God is no different. Rather than say, "God, be with John Doe today" I can pray, "God, be with John Doe as he goes through knee surgery. Guide the hands of the doctors..." Yes, God knows John Doe is having knee surgery. But He likes to hear His children tell Him what they want. So, I've changed how I pray. I come to Jesus like a child asking for the perfect Christmas gift. I tell my Father exactly what I'm looking for. I started a prayer journal to keep track of those times I say, "I'll pray for you" to someone. If I tell you I'll be praying for you, rest assured. I will be. Your name will be in my journal along with the specific request. And I use my journal when I go to prayer. Note: I don't have a room or closet I can use so my "War Room" is portable. 

   So, God started breaking me while reading a book over the past couple weeks. Today, I broke me to the point of tears. I was doing some housework before my husband came home from work and decided to listen to Pandora on my phone. I love the praise and worship station (and the Keith Green, Hillsong, Classic Hymn and Disney stations!) Today I was listening to the praise and worship station...and singing along rather loudly. Hey, I was in the privacy of my own home. Don't judge! Anyway, several songs into my listening, an old Matthew West song called "Motions." I've heard it hundreds of times. But today, I really listened to the lyrics as I sang along. 
                             

 I don't wanna go through the motions

I don't wanna go one more day
Without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
What if I had given everything,
Instead of going through the motions?

   God really got me to thinking that I spend a lot of time going through the motions. I go to church, I sing the songs, I read my Bible, I pray. But do people see Him through me? I hate to say it, but I think my answer would have to be no. That little tidbit hit me right between the eyes! I've wasted so much time going through the motions. No more! If people don't see Christ in me, I'm doing it all wrong. May God help me as I strive to give Him my all!

   A couple songs later, God really broke me. Another song I've heard probably thousands of times, have sung in church and even used to know the sign language to came on. As I loudly sang the lyrics, God broke me to the point of sobbing tears as I cried out to Him and asked that this be true in my life. I stood in the middle of my kitchen, hands raised, tears flowing...and dish water running as I sobbed 4 feet away from the sink. 

Lord, prepare me to be a sanctuary

pure and hold, tried and true.

With thanksgiving, I'll be a living

sanctuary for you.

   Merriam-Webster gives this definition for the word 'sanctuary': a place where someone or something is protected or given shelter.

   Oh, God, may I be a place where You are given shelter. How welcoming have I been to Him though? I have to admit I haven't been as welcoming as I should be. That changes...today, now, forever! I will never again be the same. 

   Friends, I will never throw my "religion" down your throat. I will never guilt you into believing what I believe (of course, I've discussed my feelings on 'belief' in a past post. I do more than believe in Jesus. I follow Him, I worship Him, I choose to live for Him. I won't guilt you into it. But I sure as the world will do my best to introduce you to Him if you don't already know Him. Oh...and I'll be praying for you whether you like it or not!