Imagine

Tonight, Drew brought home a couple movies we’ve been wanting to see. The one we chose to watch tonight was I Can Only Imagine - the story of the well-known MercyMe song. I’m not normally good at doing anything while watching a movie because I get distracted and either miss the movie or don’t get my work done. Tonight I added in a third thing...and did all three well. While I was working on some work for school and watching the movie, I was also doing some thinking. Here goes:

As a little girl, I always had heaven pictured like the balcony at Cedar Road Missionary Church where I grew up. I really don’t know why. There was nothing particularly ethereal or grandiose about the space. But it was a space that was a big part of my life. I pictured Jesus standing underneath the wood arched ceiling. 

As I grew up, I imagined heaven looking more like a disco studio with bright gold streets and everything around me glittering. I saw Jesus with a glowing gold orb around his head. Just chalk it up to growing up in the 70s and 80s. 

As an adult, I seem to focus my attention more on what my reactions will be when I get to heaven rather than what it looks like. Clearly I’m not the only one. You see, I think we often like to think we know just how we’ll respond in any given situation. But entering heaven may not be so easy to predict. 

Oftentimes I’ve pictured entering heaven and running into the waiting arms of my grandparents. I’ve envisioned seeing my dear childhood friend again. I imagine sitting at the feet of Jesus asking him every question I’ve ever wanted to ask.

But then I realize I really don’t know what it will be like. I’d like to think I’ll walk right up to Jesus and thank him. I’d love to believe that I’ll worship openly in his presence. But the reality of it is that I’m sure I’ll be in such awe, captivated by his presence that I imagine myself being completely frozen. Kind of like if I ever had the chance to meet Amy Grant, Michael W. Smith or any other celebrity. 

The fact is, none of us know how we will act or feel when we enter the presence of Jesus. But one day we’ll all find out. Some of us will hear him say “Well done, good and faithful servant. Enter into the joy of my presence” while others will hear him say, “Away from me! I never knew you!” I know which group I’m in. Do you? If not, I’d love to chat with you! 

❤️ Brenda 

Beautiful & Wonderful

    Self-esteem is something I've struggled with most of my life. Being the youngest of four, I was always compared to my older brothers. "Why aren't you as smart as...?" "Why aren't you as athletic as...?" "Why aren't you as outgoing as...?". After awhile, I started to wonder if God truly made a mistake when He made me.

    As I got older, I knew I wasn't popular like other girls. I thought it was because I wasn't good enough. My closest friends were always girls at church. But only one of them went to school with me. School was rough because I felt alone. 

    While in college, I ended a toxic relationship. When I did, I was told, "You'll never find someone else to love you." and "You're not good enough for anyone." Stupidly I believed it. I'm thankful I left that relationship for someone who taught me my worth and never made me feel ugly or worthless. 

    Self-esteem is still something I sometimes struggle with. I always wonder how God can use me. I'm just a simple wife, mom, grandma, computer teacher...There's nothing I can do for God where I am. After all, I've made mistakes. I've sinned. I've tried to do things my own way rather than God's. Can I ever be good enough for Him?

    Tonight as I was working in the kitchen, I was playing my Hillsong United Radio station on Pandora. I had my own little worship time going. I'd have to stop washing a dish to raise my hands in praise or pause to wipe a tear from my eye as the worship overwhelmed my emotions. It's in those moments of deep worship that God seems to speak to me most audibly. I could write about dozens of songs that brought me to tears. But this one in particular really hit me. I've heard it countless times and it quickly became one of my favorite a few years ago when I first heard it. 

    Gungor, a husband and wife worship band, remind us that God can make beautiful things out of dust. After all, he made the trees and flowers out of nothing. Why should we expect anything less for our lives? Perhaps you need this reminder, too. I wanted to post a video with the lyrics. But then I saw the actual music video for the first time and, let me just say that you need to see this? Think you've fallen so far God can't redeem you? Think again! He's up to the challenge!

Beautiful Things by Gungor

Psalm 139:14 (NIV)

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
❤ Brenda

Finding Grace and Seeing Christ

      Last week I started a Faith Journey. Let me give you some background about me:

      I grew up in a Christian home. My maternal grandfather was a pastor. He and my grandmother were very active in their church (obviously). I watched them pray and read Scripture. My paternal grandparents were also involved in their church, my grandmother being active in women's ministries and my grandfather serving on the board of directors of the denomination's college. Prayer, Scripture reading and faith was a big part of their lives. 

      I was raised by a church music minister (my dad) and church pianist. We were in church every Sunday morning, Sunday evening and Wednesday evening. It wasn't a "going through the motions" kind of thing. It was a heartfelt desire to be in church. I grew up going to Sunday School, church camp, and memorizing Scripture as part of my church's Bible quiz team. I served on a short term missions experience team because I wanted to be a missionary (God didn't call me to be but I thought I knew better than Him at the time). 

      At the age of 9, on the steps of my dorm at Prairie Camp, I gave my heart to Christ. It was an easy decision to make. Then I figured helping with Bible School every summer, being on the quiz team, going to camp (and eventually being a counselor and, later, the director of the church camp) and serving on a missions team was enough. Shoot, I even went to a Bible college! I was good to go. Or so I thought. 

      I got married and started a family. We raised our kids in church. They were on Bible quiz teams, went to church camp (since I was the director, it was only natural). We weren't the best parents in the world but we did the best we could. We loved them (and still do). We sent them to youth events. Again, I thought I was doing all the things a Christian parent is supposed to do. 

      But then through lies of Satan who kept telling me I wasn't good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, etc (the lies changed often but were loud and frequent), I thought I'd be better off making my own life choices. I made bad ones. I turned away from God. Not like murder and bank robbery type choices. But choices God would have made for me. I still went to church. I still read the Bible. But this time it became more a "going through the motions" type thing. I just really got off track. But then God brought me to my knees. Ok, it was more a giant shove to the floor, slammed to my knees type deal. I've slowly climbed myself out of the pit Satan gladly welcomed me into. 

      I was doing much better but then I started watching "Christians" around me and thinking I didn't come close to measuring up to them. There were some who seemed to think they needed to shout to the world, "I'M A CHRISTIAN!!!" and there were some who quietly whispered it but what I saw on the outside didn't look like what I thought Christ would do. I didn't want to be a part of either of those. So I went to church because that's what I was supposed to do. I had devotions every day because I was supposed to. But I wasn't sure that I wanted to be part of something that I had to either blast in peoples' faces or that was just in name only but my actions had nothing to do with. 

      I read through the Bible two years in a row - the first year I more like skimmed through it, not really paying attention to it that much but the second year I started to highlight things as they jumped out at me. I took more time to see what God might want me to learn. But then this year, I was invited on a Faith Journey. A pastor I follow on Facebook started this journey to help encourage anyone who was willing to take the journey. I knew my faith needed something.So I joined the journey. I receive encouraging e-mails and texts, prayer support, and challenges to pray with people, read chunks of Scripture, etc. I feel a sense of belonging to the body of Christ. Since beginning, I've noticed that the Scripture I read (I'm now on year three of reading the entire Bible in 365 days) seems to come alive. I'm more confident in my faith. This all brings me to what God showed me today. (If you've read this far, congratulations!)

      This  week, I started reading the book "What's So Amazing About Grace? A quote in my reading today really got me thinking. Gordon McDonald said, "You need not be a Christian to build houses, feed the hungry or heal the sick. There is only one thing the world cannot do. It cannot offer grace." It made me wonder what happens when the church doesn't offer grace. I'm not saying "the church" meaning the building where a group of people gathers to worship. I'm saying "the church" meaning those of us who God calls His own. How do we treat people who aren't "as good" as us? People who may have to work harder to do the right thing. People who may miss going to church (the building) once in awhile. People who don't listen to worship music all the time. People who have smoked or consumed alcohol. People who have made mistakes. Do we give them grace? My experience has been that grace isn't always seen in Christians. I'm not saying that all Christians fail to show grace to sinners. But there are those who will point out every way that your life is "wrong." Please know, I will never judge you for the way you are, the way you talk, act, what you eat, etc. God is the only one who has the right to judge you. I'm not a judgmental Christian and never will be. The way you live your life is between you and God. I will show you grace. I will pray with you. I will tell you about the grace of my Savior. But I will NEVER make you feel inferior!

      Now, going back to those Christians who seem to walk around wearing a sign that says, "I'M A CHRISTIAN!!" - I would rather people be able to tell I'm a Christian by the way I talk, how I spend my time, where I spend my free time, how I treat them, how I act when I'm around non-Christians, etc. I shouldn't have to tell people I'm a Christian. They should be able to tell it by the way I live my life. I will gladly share Jesus with anyone. I will pray with anyone who asks me. I pray for people even when they don't ask. But I don't force them to believe what I believe. Again, that's between them and God. I will never be ashamed to tell you what I believe. But I won't force it down your throat. Jesus never did. Why should I? So, I hope you can see Jesus through me. If I have to tell you I'm a Christian, I'm doing it wrong and I need to fix something.