Stormy Weather

Sometimes He calms the storm. Sometimes He calms His child.

He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed. Psalm 107:29

Wohlford, party of 2 has beeen stuck in a storm pattern for awhile now. Feeling like we just can’t get ahead financially, too many things to get done and not enough time, and now some fairly major health issues with Drew. Some days I just want to wave a white flag and shout, “I GIVE UP!!”

Life is hard. God never promised it would be easy. But He did promise He would never leave us or forsake us. Does that mean we can do anything we want and He will just with there and wait to bail us out? No!

But if we remain faithful to Him, He will remain faithful to us. He longs to give His children good gifts. He longs to bless us. But He won’t cater to our every desire when we’re complaining about the storm.

Over the past few weeks I’ve had plenty of chances I could have complained about the storm. I could have had a pity party. Ok...I’ll be honest and say I did a couple times. The storm seemed so dark. I just wanted to make sure God could still see me.

No, He hasn’t calmed this storm. In fact, it hasn’t really decreased in intensity. I won’t lie and say I’m not concerned. But I know God’s umbrella is huge and He will ride out this storm with us. 

God Knows

**I'm writing this more so that I can look back and remember...because sometimes even the hardest moments are worth remembering.**

   Monday, April 2, 2018 started just like any other Monday. I was on Spring Break, although I was going to spend that one day working at the pawn shop. Drew was going to work that day and then be on vacation so we could spend the rest of the week together. Never in our wildest dreams could we have imagined what that evening and the coming days would bring. But God knew.
 
   Around 10:00, Drew sent me a text saying that he was struggling to get warm. He said he was shivering uncontrollably, sitting with his legs wrapped around a space heater, his coat and hood on. That's highly unusual for my husband. I assumed he was coming down with a 24 hour stomach bug. But God knew.

   About 1:00, I got a text from Drew telling me he was going to be going home as soon as his assistant manager could get there. That's extremely unusual for him. He never willingly takes off work just because he doesn't feel good. I still thought it was a stomach bug and thought he would sleep it off and we have a great week together. But God knew.

   He came home and slept while I continued through my work day. I was very excited to get home, get him feeling better and have fun together the rest of the week. We were going to go to the movies, get some yard work done, sleep in every day and stay up late every night. We had our week all planned. But God knew.

   When I came home from work, he was laying in bed. His cheeks were flushed and he was sweating. I asked how he was feeling. He said it was really hot in the house. I checked the thermostat and it was right where it normally is. I kissed his forehead and immediately knew he was running a fever. I took his temperature and it was 101.8. He tried getting up out of bed and could hardly walk. He said his leg was hurting. I took one look and could see why. It was bright red and quite swollen. I tried to talk him into a trip to the ER but he wouldn't go. (You know the old saying, "You can always tell a German but you can't tell him much.") He said he'd let me take him in the morning if it wasn't better but he was sure it would be. But God knew.

   Early Tuesday morning, he woke up and was nearly unable to walk. His leg was very swollen, incredibly sore and extremely red. He said he was ready for a trip to the ER. It took us awhile but we got ourselves dressed and ready to go. On our way out the door, he said we should take his phone charger "just in case" but was sure we'd just go to Memorial and be back in a few hours. But God knew.

God knew I'd sleep in a hospital chair for 10 nights (missing 3 tags)

   By the time we got to Memorial Hospital, there was no way Drew was going to walk into the ER. I went in and got a wheelchair to take him in. At this point, I really knew there was something significantly wrong. My sweet husband has always been good at smiling through the pain and making the most of everything. We thought we'd get it checked out, get some medication and be on our way. But God knew.

This was what it looked like in the ER

3 hours after arriving

   We didn't wait very long before being taken back to a room. Blood tests were ordered and we waited. After a short time, the doctor came in to say Drew had cellulitis and would be admitted for some IV antibiotics. We got settled into room 1128 around 2:00 and I left to come home for things for the night. We figured it would be IV antibiotics overnight and back home Wednesday morning. But God knew.

   When the nurse came in to give us some information, one thing she did was tell us what hospitalist was assigned to him. I was thrilled to find out it was going to be my best friend since childhood. We've known each other our entire lives and now she was going to be caring for the best man I could ever ask for. Knowing there are many hospitalists there, I was sure she wouldn't be his doctor. No one knew how much I hoped and prayed she would be. But God knew.

   Over the course of the next 10 days, we would meet some of the nicest nurses (and a couple crummy ones) and Patient Care Assistants we could have asked for. Of course, there were the midnight and 4:00am IV changes, the blood draws anytime between 2:00-4:00am, the weight and vitals checks at 5:00am and the constant noises that we're not used to hearing at home. The doctor came in every day and checked his leg. Her plan was to keep him on IV antibiotics until she saw some improvement and then switch him to oral antibiotics for 24 hours before sending him home. She was sure he would be discharged before she'd be off duty for a few days. We fully anticipated being home by Thursday or Friday at the very latest. But God knew.

Blister at 7:30PM

Blister at 8:00PM

   Wednesday evening we noticed what looked like a small blister, about the diameter of a dime that formed just below the knee. We let the nurse know and she contacted the doctor who ordered wound care for Thursday morning. Within 30 minutes, the blister had grown to the diameter of a quarter. Wound care came in on Thursday morning, drained the blister and put compression wraps on his leg.

   Friday we just relaxed for most of the day. Saturday I left to take my parents shopping. While I was gone, wound care came in to check Drew's leg. They scraped a lot of dead skin from the wound and redressed it. It was quite painful for Drew.

Post-scraping

   Sunday I went to church and live streamed the service for Drew. Even though he was in South Bend and I was in Elkhart, it was nice to know we were worshiping in the same service. "Spring break" came to an end and a new work week would begin the next morning.

   Each morning, I left the hospital bright and early to make the 30 minute drive to work. After the doctor came in, Drew would text me to let me know what she had to say. The first couple days it was pretty much the same news..."We have to stick with IV antibiotics. Keep it elevated." Wound care came in daily to change the bandages and check the wound. It was slowly improving but not quite as much as the doctor had hoped.

   Wednesday she said, "We'll see about starting oral antibiotics tomorrow." Thursday she decided to switch him from the IV to oral antibiotics. At this point, we decided we'd know he was coming home when they had him sign paperwork. But we were both so ready to be home. It was so hard to not get our hopes up.

His last nurse, Aaron and our favorite PCA, Maria

Discharge day

 Late Friday morning I got the news I'd been waiting for. Drew texted to tell me that the oral antibiotics were working well enough that he could go home! He would have to come back to the hospital every couple days for outpatient wound care. But that's certainly a small sacrifice to make to sleep in our own bed, relax in our living room and not have nurses coming in all hours of the night. So I happily went to the hospital, packed up nearly two weeks' worth of our personal belongings and we bid farewell to 11 South at Memorial Hospital. We made a stop to fill four new prescriptions, stopped for dinner and came home. Drew hadn't seen the inside of our home for nearly 11 days. He was beyond thrilled to be home and I was ecstatic to have him home! We know we still have a long road ahead of us. But we'll get through this together just like we've gotten through every hurdle we've faced. After all, in our wedding vows, we said "for better or worse, in sickness and in health..."

Thankful for well-wishes from many. 

Truck and flowers from Drew's sister

Balloons from Jon and his girlfriend

The visitor that got the biggest smile

   Over the course of those 11 days, we were so thankful for calls, texts, Facebook messages, cards and visits from may friends and family. He received a large plant from WWJP and a cute little truck with flowers from his sister, cards from Aunt Eleanor, Aunt Darlene and Uncle John, Aunt Rita and our friends at Electric Brew. He had visits from Pastor Mike, our kids and granddaughter, my parents, his mom and nephew, his sister, our friends Howie, Hubie and Peggy, Charles, Scott and Kerri, Byron, Eric and Serena, and YuYu. Our church family has held us up in prayer every step of the way. We're thankful to be part of such a great family of fellow believers. 

Plant from WWJP

    It's been a long couple weeks and I know the adventure isn't over. But we know that, as Hubie said, "God will pull you through if you can stand the pull." We know God had a purpose for allowing this to happen. We also know He had a reason to keep him in the hospital for so long. 

   *If you've read to the end, congratulations! I only wrote it so that I could look back in the future and be reminded that God knows long before we do. If we are faithful to Him, He will be faithful to us. May He always find me faithful. ❤Brenda (and Drew, too!) 💑

        

Persevering through pain

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Loved walking "around the block" with my sweetie

 

 

 

We almost had an escapee. 

Beautiful & Wonderful

    Self-esteem is something I've struggled with most of my life. Being the youngest of four, I was always compared to my older brothers. "Why aren't you as smart as...?" "Why aren't you as athletic as...?" "Why aren't you as outgoing as...?". After awhile, I started to wonder if God truly made a mistake when He made me.

    As I got older, I knew I wasn't popular like other girls. I thought it was because I wasn't good enough. My closest friends were always girls at church. But only one of them went to school with me. School was rough because I felt alone. 

    While in college, I ended a toxic relationship. When I did, I was told, "You'll never find someone else to love you." and "You're not good enough for anyone." Stupidly I believed it. I'm thankful I left that relationship for someone who taught me my worth and never made me feel ugly or worthless. 

    Self-esteem is still something I sometimes struggle with. I always wonder how God can use me. I'm just a simple wife, mom, grandma, computer teacher...There's nothing I can do for God where I am. After all, I've made mistakes. I've sinned. I've tried to do things my own way rather than God's. Can I ever be good enough for Him?

    Tonight as I was working in the kitchen, I was playing my Hillsong United Radio station on Pandora. I had my own little worship time going. I'd have to stop washing a dish to raise my hands in praise or pause to wipe a tear from my eye as the worship overwhelmed my emotions. It's in those moments of deep worship that God seems to speak to me most audibly. I could write about dozens of songs that brought me to tears. But this one in particular really hit me. I've heard it countless times and it quickly became one of my favorite a few years ago when I first heard it. 

    Gungor, a husband and wife worship band, remind us that God can make beautiful things out of dust. After all, he made the trees and flowers out of nothing. Why should we expect anything less for our lives? Perhaps you need this reminder, too. I wanted to post a video with the lyrics. But then I saw the actual music video for the first time and, let me just say that you need to see this? Think you've fallen so far God can't redeem you? Think again! He's up to the challenge!

Beautiful Things by Gungor

Psalm 139:14 (NIV)

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
❤ Brenda

Not Learning or Not Listening?

It's been awhile since I've posted. Whenever I realize I've gone long periods of time without posting, I always use the excuse that "God hasn't given me anything to write about" or "I haven't learned anything worth posting."

But today, God reminded me that He is always teaching me, guiding me, leading me. It's my job to listen and learn from things and circumstances around me. That means I've really been learning a lot and I've really had a lot worth writing about. But I missed it. I'm the only one to blame. I can't blame God for my ignorance. I can only blame myself.

So here is a list of some of the things I've learned but didn't realize I had and some things I should have written about but didn't think they were worthwhile enough. I need to remember that I don't write these blog posts to entertain, inform or teach anyone. I write them so I have something to look back on in the future and see what God taught me.

1. No matter how many things go wrong (or not the way I want them to), being upset or allowing that worry to fester won't help at all.
2. No matter how I feel on the inside getting up, dressing up and showing up is always the best option. It would be so easy to let pain get me down. But that just won't work. I'm better than that.

Denver (2.5yrs), Clara (2 months), Jonny (4yrs)
Our precious grandchildren

3. No matter how tired I may be or how rough my day may have been, the laughter and smile of a baby or child is enough to give me a boost...especially when it's my grandchild. (and I've had the pleasure of hearing all three of my grandchildren laugh and see them smile since my last post).
4. Getting dozens of hugs from students every morning is the best way to start a day!
5. Watching my children interact with their children is an incredible experience.

Denver, who may be praying it'll be time to play soon. 

Silly smiles with Jonny

6. It may have been 22 years since I've had a baby staying in my house for long periods of time. But I can still prepare a bottle, change a diaper, feed and burp a baby and get them back to sleep...all in the dark!
7. I love the sound of crunching leaves just as much as I always have.
8. The older I get, the less tolerant I am of cold weather. It's been in the 40s and I'm wearing layers. Weird!
9. I love creating assignments for students. It's nice to be able to use things I learned in college without having all the grading and parent-teacher conferences to worry about.
10. Nothing beats a quiet night at home with my husband.

May I pay more attention to what God is teaching me and showing me.

Brenda ♥

Abiding

   It's been awhile since I've posted anything. It's not that I haven't learned anything. It's that I'm stubborn and feel like the things I learn are maybe more just for me and no one else needs to know about them. Maybe other people don't think like me. Maybe other people have it all together more than I do. But God has been doing some big things in my faith walk lately...more specifically, in the past several days.

 
The past few days, I've felt like everyone or everything I prayed for got worse rather than better. I prayed for relationships of people around me but they seemed to disintegrate more, I prayed for healing for my daughter and she ended up in the hospital, I prayed for financial provision for people in need and they seemed to have even less, I prayed for more rest and went sleepless nights, I prayed for health for my husband and he developed one of the worst head colds he's had in a long time...I found myself certain that God didn't exist.

   Or did I even believe He actually existed? For a short time, I can honestly tell you I thought everything I had ever believed about God was a big lie. I verbally asked God why He created me just to sit and laugh at my frustration. (Yes, I thought God was a lie but I still found myself praying. I'm not saying I was at all rational in those moments!) I asked God to show me if He was actually there.

   And then God showed up! You see, all those lies that filled my head were from satan. He hates God's children He hates people who have faith. He hates people who pray. Why is it so easy to believe the lies of satan yet so hard to believe the truths of God? (If I'm the only one that feels that way, you can stop reading. You apparently have it all together.)

   Still here? Good! Let's continue. I continued to find myself praying, not fully convinced God exists, still feeling like He had no clue I was even there. But there was that part of me that knew that was my only hope. I remember a former pastor who used to say, "I'd rather live my life believing that there is a God and find out I was wrong than live my life believing there is no God and finding out there is!"

   So I prayed. I prayed for healing of relationships, I prayed for healing for my daughter, I prayed for financial provision, I prayed for rest, I prayed for my husband to be healthy. Relationships started to improve, my daughter got better and I was able to bring her home from the hospital, finances have been improving for many, I've gotten some rest (although not much because I had a newborn here for a few days) and while my husband hasn't gotten better, he doesn't seem to be getting worse.

   This morning, I let satan try to convince me to stay home from church. After all, I was very tired. Staying home one Sunday wouldn't be bad. I was ready to throw in the towel and stay home. But my daughter encouraged me to go. So, reluctantly I got my granddaughter and I dressed for church (matching outfits, no less!) and went to church.

   A friend needed encouragement that I was able to give. She may not have gotten that if I'd have stayed home. I heard a great sermon on how to pray for others. I would have missed it if I was in my recliner. And I wept as we sang my heart's cry. I'm talking full-blown almost sobbing at my seat, hand raised, heart crying out to Jesus.

Abide with me, abide with me

Don't let me fall, and don't let go

Walk with me, and never leave

Ever close, God, abide with me!

The dictionary says that "abide" means:

1.

to remain; continue; stay:

2.

to have one's abode; dwell; reside:

3.

to continue in a particular condition, attitude, relationship, etc.; last.

My heart literally cried out to Jesus that he would remain, stat, reside, and continue in relationship with me. WOW! That's pretty intense, pretty powerful. At that moment, I truly realized that God will NEVER let me go. When God seems far away, He isn't the one that moved. May I never move away from Christ again!

❤ Brenda

Abide with Me by Matt Maher 

Stronger Together

You wouldn't think that looking at a tree would give you a story - a life lesson really. However, as we were walking through the woods Sunday, that very thing happened. We've seen it several times when we've walked there. But this time God really got me thinking.

 

Notice how the smaller branch is wrapped around the larger tree trunk. There are several trees that way. Some are wrapped for several feet of the tree. It's very intriguing. It's almost as if the smaller tree saw the bigger tree struggling to stand and reached out to hold it up. Or perhaps the smaller tree was struggling to take root and the larger tree urged its smaller friend to hang on tight for support. 

Now, I am well aware of the fact that trees don't talk. At least we can't hear them. But they're living creations. So perhaps in some way they do. 

Nonetheless, we humans are able to communicate. How often have you seen someone struggling and reached out to offer support? How many times have you held someone up in prayers, been a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, given someone a ride, a place to sleep for the night, shelter from a storm? The list goes on. On the other end, how many times has someone seen you struggling and reached out to support you? When I stop to think of the times people have helped us through our struggles, how dare I not offer to help someone else? I have two shoulders, two ears, a reliable car and I have a Friend Who hears my prayers.  Reach out to someone...and don't be afraid to let someone else help you when you need it. 

But encourage one another daily as long as it is called "Today," so that none of you may be hindered by sin's deceitfulness. Hebrews 3:13

❤Brenda 

2016 A Year in Review

December 30, 2016 - Did I seriously just type that date? Where in the world has 2016 gone? My Grandma used to say that time goes so much faster as you get older. I though she was crazy. Turns out she was right - again! That woman always knew what she was talking about!

What a year it's been! I'm going to try to recap. Ya know, people send out those family letters in their Christmas cards. While I read every single one of them we receive, I've never been much for typing one myself. So, I figured I'd give it a shot this year. I feel like I have so much to update and yet I don't know that there's really that much. But it sure feels like it's been a whirlwind year. 

We welcomed in 2016 as official empty-nesters. We had to learn how to just be us. For the first time in almost 23 years, we were "just us" in the house on our own. The quiet stillness took some getting used to. But now we love our quiet nights! It's been nice to reconnect and focus on us and our relationship. 

January and February moved right along with the normal winter blahs. We were ready to get out into the garden and spend time on our porch. But before that, our lives we changed in a moment. On March 17 in the wee hours of morning, Drew woke up throwing up large amount of blood. I rushed him to Memorial Hospital where we spent the next four days. After lots of blood tests and an endoscopy, it was discovered that he had "more ulcers than I can count" (to quote Dr. Oh) as well as a hiatal hernia. He went into the hospital not taking any prescription medications but would leave with two that he will take for the rest of his life. Our diet also had to completely be changed. That's not really a bad thing but it took some getting used to. We're a beef-eating family. Now we're limited to twice a month. Otherwise, it's turkey, chicken and lean pork. Nothing fried or spicy. Lots of vegetables. Perhaps the biggest thing was cutting out our Diet Coke. We were huge Diet Coke drinkers! Neither of us have had one since March. In fact, a few days after his hospital stay, we tried one. It tasted horrible! We haven't had a sip since. Drew had to take it easy for awhile until he regained his strength. But he's been so much more active with our new lifestyle. This hospital stay also brought us to a fantastic family physician. She's a wonderful Christian woman who is very caring and compassionate. While she points out things in our lives that need to be changed for our health, it never feels like she's condemning us for past mistakes. We're thankful for Dr. Frentz. 

June 8 we took our first trip to Saint Joseph, Michigan and immediately fell in love with this quaint little beach town! The lake is stunning, the beach is beautiful, the shops in town are tremendous, and we love the slower pace of life there. This was our first trip of many! I'm now Facebook friends with people we met over the summer, we've traveled up for the Saturday Farmer's Market, gone up to have dinner and watch the sunset and even made a rush trip, getting into town 15 minutes before the sunset and then got ice cream before coming back home. We spent more time on the road than we spent in town but it was so worth it! I don't know why we never went there before. I feel like so many years were wasted by not going. We'll definitely be back! After all, we have friends there now. 

This fall, we built a video shelf in Sarah's old room. It is floor to ceiling and wall to wall on one whole side. Yes, we have that many movies! No, we're not ashamed to admit that! We enjoy watching movies together. And we're pretty darned proud of our shelf!It turned out great and we had fun working together to build it. 

That project just wasn't enough for us. We decided to rearrange our living room. Living in a little 3-bedroom house that's less that 1,000 square feet with four people, it was always pretty cramped. Now that we have two extra rooms, we're able to put our office (which used to be in part of the living room) in Sarah's old room with the video shelf. Jon's old room will eventually be a guest room for when Drew's parents come to visit. So, we moved everything around and gave ourselves an amazing space to relax in. Now we hardly ever want to go anywhere!

Thanksgiving weekend, God told us it was time to go back "home" to our old church. So that Sunday morning, we found ourselves sitting at Bethany Missionary Church and feeling like we had never left. We were welcomed back with open arms and have really felt God moving in our hearts and lives in ways we haven't for quite some time. We're thankful for a loving church family who really seeks to lift others up. 

On the job front, Drew celebrated his one year anniversary as General Manager of Worldwide Jewelry and Pawn in Elkhart. It keep him very busy and he deals with quite a bit of stress. But he loves what he does. I'm proud to say he's able to help so many people through his job. He has a great team of employees working for him. 

In January, I was transferred from the learning lab where I had been working in to the computer lab as the computer teacher. I've had the opportunity to use many of my teaching skills in this position. I love going to work every day and being able to touch 600+ students every week! I not only get to teach students various computer skills (typing, research, etc) but get to enjoy watching them get their "aha" moments and have fun learning! I work with great teachers who are willing to entrust research projects and things to me. It's been a great transition!

Grandkids are growing like weeds! We've been able to make many memories with them! It's still odd to not have kids coming home at night, cooking for two, and not having to tell teenagers to quiet down so we can sleep. But we're blessed with each other and are thankful that God has given us another year to learn and grow closer to Him and to each other. 

May 2017 be another year full of blessings. Wishing you and yours a blessed New Year!